She is back at work and so far so good. Winnie has been just a family/farm dog the last two years. She was originally purchased as a service dog prospect. She was bred for this and loves to work. It will take a bit to be back to foolproof but other than a few slip ups she is doing really great. The one thing I have to find a fix for is her wanting to alert other people to their issues.
At ladies night last week she kept alerting one of the ladies to emotional distress. Was she emotionally distressed? I dont know. She was skin picking and fiddling with her hands in a way that Winnie was taught to interrupt. It could just be a personal trait but Winnie took it as a problem she needed to help with. While it’s amazing that Winnie is so quick to help anyone I worry that this will confuse people. The standard is not to touch, look at, or even interact with someones service animal, and yet so many people still try. Regardless of patches, labels, or verbal requests from the handler people choose to do whatever they feel like. I don’t mind so much that Winnie wanted to help the gal at ladies night, I know she would have come right to me if I needed her, but I do not want to perpetuate any issues the SD world already deals with so much.
It just goes to show that for one, a 2 year break does mean we need to rewind training a bit. No surprise there. And two, I dont think I agree that a dog is ever fully trained. New. situations or even a bad day can throw anyone off their game and thats okay. A pocket full of treats and some compassion on the handlers part goes a long way.
While she is loving being back to work, needing Winnie again is stressful to be honest. My anxiety tells me that everyone is looking at me, judging me, waiting for me to screw up and them to say “See? You suck!”. My imposter syndrome says I’ve managed for the last two years without her so why should she go back to work now? My depression says it’s not worth the hassle and to just stay in bed while life moves on around me. There are other voices I need to listen to more than my own sometimes. My husband who has had to come home in the middle of a workday when I can’t even stand without collapsing. My new doctor who says it’s amazing I already have a dog meant for service work as most people he diagnosis aren’t that lucky. My dog who notices issues before I do.
When we got her 4 years ago I didn’t have my formal diagnosis. They told me all my issues were psychosomatic. Discovering recently this was never true and I do have a formal diagnosis other than “she’s crazy” has been eye opening. When we lived in the twin cities, surrounded by some of the best medical care, I saw 5 specialists and had several ER trips that never amounted to anything. They would take my license only to reinstate it when it was decided I wasn’t having “true seizures”. They dismissed the counselors and therapists who tried to say they didn’t agree with a psychosomatic diagnosis. We have missed so much. On my bad days I would come up with some lame excuse of why we couldn’t come. It’s a lot easier to say “the car won’t start,” versus, “sometimes I pass out and start shaking uncontrollably because I’m crazy and I am worried that will happen today”. Getting my diagnosis took a weight off my shoulders I didn’t realize I was carrying. Being told you are causing all your own problems for years is not easy on your mental health. Finally having a doctor listen to, affirm, and diagnose you instead of gaslighting is one of the most therapeutic things I have experienced in my 27 years. All it took was moving to the middle of nowhere and seeing a specialist who drives to our local clinic from a hospital several hours away in South Dakota. Ironic since we chose to stay in MN to be close to the “better” healthcare options for our son August.
Not everyone understands or accepts that I need Winnie and that’s okay. I accept that she is helping me get my life back. Hopefully between her and all the other interventions my doctors are suggesting we can get to a new normal where “bad days” are because the weather is gross and we need to stay in, not because my body can’t function.